Tuesday, January 6, 2009

My Ticking Time Bomb

One of the strange things about having IBD that has been on my mind a lot lately, is that even when you are feeling well, you are always accompanied by a ghost. A ticking time-bomb in your abdomen that could go off any day without warning. A bomb that could hit you with pain, and complications that can side-line your life or put it completely on hold. Complications that can even be life-threatening.

By all estimations, this is not a friendly ghost that provides comic relief and makes for good movies. Instead it's a shadow hovering out of the corner of your eye. A faint twinge in your abdomen today. A few extra trips to the washroom or some unexpected fatigue tomorrow. A gurgle or a whisper of almost-pain. A constant, constant, constant reminder that you are not perfectly well. You're not cured. And more problems are probably coming sooner or later.

No, my time-bomb is not a friendly ghost, but it can be an invisible teacher. It is talking to me every day, whispering and sometimes yelling an all-important lesson: Life is precious. Health is precious. Time is short. Time is our most valuable possession. Make the most of it, right now, while you can. This teacher's message is sometimes a scary one. The worry that I'm wasting my time or running out of time can sometimes be frightening, but I remind myself that I don't have to live a perfect life, just a mindful one. Mindful of my blessings. Mindful of what I'm doing at any given moment. Mindful of what and who is around me. A life lived well is a life appreciated. A life not taken for granted. It means knowing what's important to you- and going for it.

This ghost is never gone it seems, even when I'm feeling great, the faint time-bomb can still be felt deep inside. Perhaps it's a good thing- so I don't forget completely about my Crohn's and I can always be reminded to live in each moment. It sure would be nice though, to have that ghost take a vacation once in a while.

4 comments:

  1. I love this! I was diagnosed in Aug of 2007, oh how clearly I remember the day. You are an excellent writer, thanks for the inspiration. We are gonna kick that ghost's ass!

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  2. You have such an amazing blog! I'm a 17 year old girl struggling with crohn's. I'm in remission now but this really helps remind me to live a mindful life. I have this post favorited on my internet toolbar so I can look at it if I feel like I'm starting to live too selfishly.

    Thank You <3

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  3. Thank you Anonymous! Your comment drew my attention back to this post, I had forgotten about it. It's something I really needed to re-read. Thank YOU!

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