Wednesday, August 5, 2015

Letting Myself Down

The last few months have been hard for me. In fact, my nick name on this blog, Bright Side, might as well have been Dark Side. I'm disappointed in myself and it's time for a kick in the pants.

At the core of it has been a perfect storm of family drama, loss, grief and stress. And below that, has been physical challenges associated with my current pregnancy (just arrived at the 2nd trimester, yay!) which have made me lose touch with who I am like never before.
I'm ashamed to say that 3 months of severe nausea and extreme fatigue have kicked my butt. How can this be? I have dealt with the fearsome pain of Crohn's Disease, 2 abdominal surgeries and 2 cesarean section childbirths. I'm not sure why what seems like it should have been laughable compared to pain, has been so hard for me... but having trouble functioning, trouble focusing on tasks, and trouble even being at a computer for more than a few minutes had really shaken the foundation of who I am.

I realized not long ago, that I had lost touch with the real me. The reason why I go by the name Bright Side on this blog. I let projects, tasks, and clutter pile up. I was surfing on my phone reading the same crap over and over. Some of this I attribute to trouble sleeping and pregnancy fatigue, but my un-productiveness really shook my personality and outlook too. It made me less resilient to withstand the family challenges which have been steadily pounding me for the last year. My Bright Side got a bit dingy.

But.... I'm climbing back out of the gloomy shadows of exhaustion and inactivity and self-pity and getting back in touch with who I am. I'm a mom, wife and techie. I love to laugh, make fun, goof around and play games. I get giddy finding garage sale deals on Nerf guns for when my boys are older and we can pummel them (more likely they'll pummel us), and second-hand Thomas The Train sets that are good as new for this Christmas. I look at the Bright Side of challenges and of people.

Step 1: get some of the tasks that have piled up off my plate so that I get some small wins under my belt. Step 2: get MOAR sleep! Step 3: play.

Are you facing challenges this year? Share your story and know you're not alone!

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